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When does it get better

My heart hurts today. My husband has been dead for 3 days. I've only had one major breakdown. When does the hurt stop. Will it every. All the bull shit about how he's in a better place now. Fuck off. Being with me was just fine thank you. Living with me was super actually. I'm angry, sad, hurt, happy, relieved there are so many emotions and I hate every single one of them.

My husband is dead.

Fuck off with your advice strangers, just hurt with me. Don't tell me he's better off. Fuck off.

I'm sorry. I really am. I don't mean to be an asshole, but my entire body aches today.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
crassy
Jan. 20th, 2013 01:36 am (UTC)
You aren't being an asshole at all. People need to fuck off with the 'he's in a better place'. I know it probably comes from a place of empathy and compassion but it is still an incredibly rude and unfeeling thing to say.

Have breakdowns, kick and scream, do whatever it takes to get you through the day. Fuck everyone else, they don't matter.
billijean
Jan. 20th, 2013 06:31 am (UTC)
Don't be sorry.

Take care of yourself, okay?
danica
Jan. 26th, 2013 06:57 pm (UTC)
I remember being bitter at the people said when I lost Jan. FUCKING DUMB THINGS. I realize they are trying to be supportive and all that garbage but meh; Someone actually said to me, the DAY she died that "TLC should make a reality show of my life."
O_o


People are stupid, sadly death lifts the veil we put on those stupid people to mask us from their idiocy. I can't imagine your loss Carrie, I can't begin to, I see how happy you both were together and I agree, his last years with you were his happiest, I don't know him, never met him, but I know those years couldn't be anything but. I can't imagine him being better off. Sure his pain is gone but your heart is broken.

I like to think people 'expire' when they reach they know their loved ones will be ok, they move on, they go do other things, I just honestly don't know what to think, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that you are strong, you will be ok, the hurt will never go away, but that you are loved, he is loved, and you showed him how to be loved. I love that you celebrate him, honour and respect him. I love how you love him, it's beautiful.

I'm sorry, I may be one of those people saying stupid things in a time of absolute unimaginable sorrow, but I do get that people say the fucking DUMBEST shit...


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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